omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
