P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
