Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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