i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
God gave him joint rollers for hands
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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