i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
