I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
