Who wears a wallet chain?!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
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He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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