you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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