Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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