Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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