I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I could fuck to npr.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm too high and old for this...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
