I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I enjoy the company of your penis
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