I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
