i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
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i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
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She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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