dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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