i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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