Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
