i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
