you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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