K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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