Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
