I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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