the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
