I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
