Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Sext me about skeletons
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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