is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
