party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
