She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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