So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize