We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize