she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
