Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
