dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
