9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
