I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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