Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
