Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
