They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
