i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
