I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
