well I can't set my house on fire every night
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
