Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
