so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Bring me that man meat
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
