His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize