I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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