i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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