You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
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I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
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I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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