I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
