I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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