I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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