i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
