you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
