she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize