Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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