I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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