I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
