Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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