Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
