Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
