Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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