One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
