sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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