Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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