trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
