The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
