Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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