i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
