I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
