is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
