The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
