i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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