Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
