therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
