I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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